Coconut Macaroons - You Suck at Cooking (episode 76)

First thing we're gonna do is harvest one of the top two most important ingredients of the coconut macaroon, which is the coconut. They swim up here to spawn, and while we're technically not supposed to harvest spawning coconuts, This is when they taste their richest and milky Oh, come on. That's just cheap. *Musical Intro That's Already Lyricized So I Don't Have To Caption It* To get this coconut shredded, you want to place it on the grass, grab your push mower, *mower noises* and gently push your mower up to the edge of the coconut until it's fully stabilized.

Now slo-mo smash a different coconut, hold your grater against the stabilized handle, take a piece of coconut, and grate that into your bag. The mowage vibrations really help get these into the right size and shape for macaroons. Except that the mower isn't actually on because I let go of the safety handle and also this lawnmower doesn't work. If you don't live near a river where the coconuts spawn, you can also cut some grass clippings, put them in a bowl with some icing sugar, and just Wang-Jangle those together with your pair of snippy Lever-Knives until they become 100% pure coconut.

Or you can take those grass clippings and paint them with some whiteout, which is basically an ancient analogue "delete button", but these macaroons would be strictly decorative. Narrator: "Hey mom, I made you a Mother's Day thing." Mom: "Get out of my room." Narrator: "Okay." Now that we have the coconut issue sorted out, you're gonna have to collect some condensed milk. The way you do that is by going to the store and buying a can of it. So we're gonna combine equal parts coconut and condensed milk, and I forgot my can ope- oh, there it is.

You might notice that condensed milk looks exactly like glue. Well, you know what they say, "If it looks like glue, and it tastes like sweet baby cow food, then it's probably delicious glue." Now. Let's just Wang-Jangle these together until it looks like coconut coleslaw. Then you want to parchment paper your pan, Then take a spoon, or a little ice-cream scoop, and try to make these around the size of a golf ball.

The easiest way to do that is to use a baseball for scale, and you're aiming for about half the size of the baseball. Let's just double-check that. Yep, looks good. We're gonna put the Un-do on Three-Fundo, Slide these inside, and we'll bake them until they start to get a little golden brown.

Probably about 12 minutes or so. You can also turn the broiler on for a minute at the end if they're not golden enough. Now you can stop here. The macaroons are done.

*Organ music* But when you die, Do you want your friends and family to have known you as someone who made mediocre macaroons, or as someone who made the best macaroons possible ? If you want to be known as someone who made the best macaroons possible, Turn off this video, Get a better recipe that involves egg whites and other fancy bullsh**, and start over. But if you want to make the best macaroons, With the least amount of work possible, It's time to get some chocolate. Since you don't own a double boiler and you probably don't know how to use a microwave, We're gonna melt this directly in the pan. It's the simplest and most dangerous way to melt chocolate, cause chocolate's easy to burn.

Go on the lowest possible temperature and stir continuously, and most importantly, "Do not get distracted". If you only have one hand available, tape the handle of your pot to a big bottle of booze. Don't stop stirring, I said! Now cut off that duct tape and get ready to drizzle that chocolate, Anyway-you-want-late. You can do "The Dripsy Doodle", "The Jerky Circle", "The Cheap Zebra", "The Lost Archaeological Treasure", or "The Lake of Chocolossum".

If there's some extra chocolate leftover, stir in some more coconut and you get *bonus cookies*. In fact, you might as well just make these instead they're easier and they're CERTIFIED GLUE FREE. Look at this. So many different styles of chocolate perfection.

This is a real opportunity to express yourself, and these tastes awesome So it really doesn't matter if they look good or- Oh, actually that one looks really pro. Not pro. Pro. Not Pro.

Pro. Not Pro. Pro. Now you're finally ready to serve your macaroons, with a side of prunes, and maybe a bag of runes, and a handful of balloons, with three or four spoons, *Techno music playing* while listening to some tunes, in the afternoon until it becomes evening and you can gaze up at the Entire outer space region.

*Crickets and bird chirps*.